Well, now, sewing projects seem to be my latest drive.  I was hoping to finish off the sleeves of a Gothic Fitted Gown for this weekend, but that didn't work out so well.  Trying to cut and drape the pattern pieces of a sleeve on yourself is just a bit difficult.  I will be wearing half sleeves on Sunday.

The other is a Victorian pattern for a short cape.  I found some wonderful purple silk for the lining and now I'm looking for the black wool I need for the outside.  I have until the first weekend in December for that one.  The pattern is simple enough, so it won't take long to put together once I have the fabric.

Creative things are good!

My self destructive side...I am not getting the exercise I need and it's a major struggle to stick to healthy eating habits.  I know I've gained weight and I hate it.  I hate the fact that I live in a day-to-day battle with my own body.  It's been that way my whole life, and I'm really tired of it.

making time

Well, I actually managed to do some creative work tonight.

Living history is one of my hobbies and my brother made me a beautiful wooden box for transporting my tableware to our medieval/renaissance events.  He covered the top in gesso so I could paint it.  I got a fair amount done on it months ago, but haven't touched it in some time.   Tonight, the guache came out and I actually got some work done on it.  It felt great.  I only worked one job today and since that ran late, didn't go to the other.  It was so nice to get home in time to do something for myself.  I need to do that more often.

art vs. life

One of the biggest challenges in my life is trying to find a way to balance my love of the creative process with things like, oh, paying the mortgage.

I'm a single woman, who bought a house right as the market was just starting to drop.  So, while I'm not upside down on my mortgage yet, I'm damn close.  Selling now would mean taking a huge loss.  So, I need to find a way to pay for it.  I took a job just as I bought the house...in educational sales.  For a musician who can easily sing and play complex rhythms, I sometimes have REALLY lousy timing.  The economy tanked, and school budgets took huge hits.  I couldn't bring my territory to where they wanted it.  Thankfully my boss didn't want to lose me, so I moved to marketing, which was where I had come from in the first place.

The problem is that with the lower sales across the board, the salary was not great.  I wound up keeping my base salary, but losing the commission income.  The position was only part of the former marketing person's job, but I felt I at least had somewhere to go.  Then, the person with the other part of the job left, and I've taken everything on.  The problem...my salary has yet to change.  I'm putting in longer hours, traveling and making lots of sacrifices, but I have nothing to show for it so far.

It's making me very frustrated

It's also making me ache for the life I really want as an artist.  Nothing makes me happier than being creative. I'm a musician, a glassworker and a jewelry artist.  I write, I design clothing.  I do all of these wonderful creative things, but none of them pay the bills, at least not entirely.  I do sing professionally, but it's a part-time thing and doesn't come close to making the mortgage payments.  I have sold my jewelry, but only occasionally.

So, do I sacrifice the work that makes me happy for the concrete, real-life things I want or do I do the things I want and lose what I've worked for over the past 20 years?

Is there a way to do both?  Can I find a way to make my art profitable enough to avoid losing ground?  This is what I'm working towards.  This is my ultimate goal.

Creation

I once knew someone named for the goddess Kali.  It was from her that I learned that she is the dual goddess of creation and destruction.

Sometimes I feel that I can be inhabited by her spirit.

I am a creative person by nature.  Nothing makes me happier than being involved in the creative process.

I also live day to day with my own self destructive tendencies.

I'm a Libra too, so maybe I just need this duality to achieve balance.

Maybe I'm just complicated.

This blog will be my outlet to explore these parts of my personality and figure out how to live my life with these facets of who I am.